i couldnt sleep a wink. he left me alone again. i didnt want to pick his calls and i guess he got frustrated and switched off his phone. you dont know how desperate i was calling him again and again, slapping so hard on my face, kicking the wall.. in other words i went crazy for a moment. then again, i dont mind being crazy just for him.. just showing him how much this heart pains.. how much i love him.

it's all my fault.. my fault for having such horrible personality. ive been thinking a lot about our relationship.. whether should i give it up for his sake or whether should i stay? have i made a big impact in his life or am i just ruining it? i wish leaving him so he could be happy with another girl was easy. just by having thoughts like that is making me live a living hell.. i dont want to think about suicide nor do i want to go back slashing myself but its difficult.. sighs.. am i being immature by doing all these? i really dont know what to do.

i got so many plans for us but because sometimes he didnt tell me things or were late to meet me..my stupid selfish emotional self got to me and i always ruin the happy atmosphere he's trying to create. why am i being such a bad girfriend? i hope he could forgive me for all the mistakes i made.. and i hope he could help me with my attitude.. cause leaving me like this is not helping at all.. i wanna die now.. i cant take life anymore )''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''':